2003-10-02 at 8:12 p.m. - "Talitha koum."

I haven't updated here in awhile, I apologize. I have been over at Xanga a lot because I like the format and it helps to be able to add quick random thoughts, more than once a day and you can see them all. So, consider that my "quick, random thought spot", and this will be the place where I really spell things out. I started a livejournal, but realized that it just wasn't the same as being here. I do think I am in need of a fresh start, a new layout though can work wonders for that though....I think ;)

I went through a very dark period recently and it seemed quite endless. I was depressed and I seriously went through maybe two weeks or so where I was really doubting God. One night though, I kicked myself in the butt and I was just crying out, "Get me up out of this mess!". I forced myself at first to read my bible, oddly enough and now I believe I have made a good habit out of it, and I enjoy it too. I decided that if I was going to gain back the faith I once had, I would need to begin from a fresh perspective and just surrender all the bad feelings and all of the aches and pains and the hurt, EVERYTHING. And start from the beginning. Beginning, as in, I began to start reading the whole new testament again and just relearning things I knew and a lot of things I didn't. Mark 5:41 stand out to me, or the phrase "Talitha koum", which means, "Little girl, get up." It's in the story of Jesus healing the dead girl, and it makes me think of myself and the situations that had happened. How I felt "dead" inside and out, and at times thoughts of dieing, and how I honestly feel alive and fresh again. And wonderful. I feel good.

Anyway, in other life events, our youth church is planning a missions trip to Germany. I am still talking to my mom about it, she is kind of worried about me being over there because of international terrorism and hostility towards Americans in Europe. In the past few days, I have heard a lot of stories from people who have been in Germany and how the Germans do not like Americans. But I think, I can only find that out on my own and that would be by going there. It's something I have to pray over though. If God wants me in Germany, He'll get me there.

Anyway, I am gone for now. But I should be updating more often. Hopefully.

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