2003-10-16 at 1:56 p.m. - I am blessed

There seems to be a lot of weird stuff happening lately in church and such. A lot of it seems to be Satan attacking, and people letting him win. Dain and Lewis are fighting about the dumbest thing ever. A girl. What else? Amanda F. and Lewis like each other a lot and have for awhile, and now since they are old enough to date, it seems as though that's all they talk about while in the company of close friends. It has Dain mad, and Lewis mad at him for saying anything. Bottom line: It's a stupid argument that is destroying a few friendships with it.

We started last year off so fired up about God and about all the things happening in our church and just the blessing we were receiving. And now that the year is coming to a close, we are all burnt out, seemingly of each other. We've been doing these prayer meetings since last January twice a month and so many good things have happened through those nights. Over the course of this year, people from a big church in Kansas city had heard about us and were praying for us and some of them had prophetic words for us. Then some musicians heard about our meetings and this weekend Kent Henry and Jason Upton are putting on a big worship weekend for us. Tonight Kent Henry is doing a workshop for our worship leaders, both the adults and teenagers, and then tomorrow night is the worship concert. Then after that there is our first "Night Watch" which is prayer from midnight to six to pray over the things that happen at night and giving that back to God. And Saturday is Jason Upton's event as well. This weekend means a lot to me and I am coming to these things with the expectation of God meeting with me. I want to be focused on worshipping Him, not all the crud happening with everyone else.

I have become very much the middle person. I don't like seeing my friends struggle with anything and I want to be there to help. But it seems to be tearing me down with them too. And the music...I don't know what it is lately, but everything I listen to just turns me off. Amanda bought the "Taking Back Sunday" CD, and all it is is angst-ridden nonsense "my girlfriend broke up with me", "my best friend needs to die", type of stuff. I blame myself. I am the one who introduced that band to her. And now everyone is listening to them. But eh...that's a whole other thing.

I hurt for my friends. I realize that somehow, I believe I have an awesome ability of sensing when something is wrong. I watch people's attitudes and gestures and facial expression, tones of voice, lots of things, and I know when something is wrong. A weird thing happened, I sort of got the sense that my physics teachers was very sad yesterday. I said a prayer for him in my head when I thought about it, but then this morning I heard that one of the deans had come to talk to him, and he had started to cry. He's a fairly old man, but the thought of him crying made me ache for him. I met a little girl last night at youth named Jess. And when I met her, I could tell something was bothering her. I asked her if she was alright, she said "ok, sorta". Later I saw her talking with the youth pastor, so I am glad she made the effort to get it taken care of, whatever may have been bothering her. But these are only two instances, I can think of lots. The lady at the Hindu temple I visited with my World Religions class, she seemed nearly depressed, like something was really really upsetting her. I can tell when friends are mad, sad, truely happy, distressed, stressed, overyjoyed. Anything. It's weird, but if that is some sort of spiritual gifting, I hope that God enables me to use that to help other people.

Anyway, I have to get ready for class and clean my room up a bit...have a blessed day.

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