2003-10-18 at 11:46 a.m. - Day 2 of Firedweller Weekend

Last night was not freaky, but it was interesting. Kent Henry put on a big worship conference night at our church last night for the youth. The worship was amazing. I don't think I have ever experienced so much joy all at one time. Midway through the worship, he asked people if they had been having a hard time lately with different things and life was rough, to raise there hands up and if you didn't have your hands raised, to go and pray for other people who did. Wendy came behind me and was praying for me, and she while praying for me, she had a vision:

She said that she got a vision of how elephants are trained to stand still. That while they are young, they are tied to trees and they cannot move, but as the get older, the thing they are tied to gets smaller and smaller. Once they are tied to a small stake, they don't realize that they are strong enough to pull that stake out of the ground. She said that whatever burden or load I had taken on, God didn't want that for me, she said that I was an encourager others and I have a great ability of lifting people up when they are down. And all of that fit. When she started telling me all this, I just broke down and cried. I haven't cried in such a long time during worship or in front of anyone for quite awhile. I did last Wednesday too. I feel a release though, God is dealing with my heart and piece by piece I am going to go back to who I once was and I am going to be able to see and hear again.

Afterwards, at the last minute, I decided to go to the "Nightwatch", which is prayer from midnight to 6:00 am. It was the first one we've ever done and it was really good, tiring, but good. I feel a little dissappointed at myself, but I realize I have to work up to these things and not try to stretch myself so far to wear it makes me self-concious all the time. I tried that before, thinking it would break me of whatever insecurity I had, it didn't work. I just need to have patience with myself.

Jason Upton's even is tonight at the Hilton, and I am REALLY excited about that, I just need to figure out how I am going to get there and back. I'm only going on about 5 hours of sleep at this point, so if I am functioning correctly when I get home tonight, I'll be updating. I have a lot of expectations for this evening, and I am just amped for 7:00 to get here.

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