2003-11-13 at 9:50 p.m. - Thank You.

I feel sad. Not depressingly sad. But just...I don't know. Amanda is moving. This wonderful, beautiful person who helped to lift me up out of the pit I was in. The girl whose held my hands and prayed and cried with me. The girl who knew what to say and just when to say it. And she is leaving. She is moving to Georgia. Her dad has been laid off for awhile now and he found work there. It seems like it was just a week ago when I saw her sitting by herself at church. It was winter of nearly two or three years ago and I had her come and sit by me. When she praised, her voice was big and loud and beautiful. And I know God has reasons for taking her to Georgia. But why now? I love Amanda and she is one of my best friends. But there are reasons and we will still be close. And they'll be visits. And it will all work out.

Still...I need to enjoy the four weeks she'll be here before she goes. It was too vivid pulling into the front of her house and seeing the "For Sale" sign in the yard. And then having her ask me if she had borrowed anything of mine. Why can't she just stay here? All of us need her here.

Also, I feel like lately Jason and I have been growing distant. Not on purpose, but just because it's happening because of the both of us being so busy. He's either doing stuff at church a lot or school things. I have school and some family things that are going on that have been mentioned here. And it's tough. We haven't had any "us" time in awhile. We haven't had a phone conversation that wasn't him or I talking on a cell phone going from one place to another in awhile or making plans to do something that eventually doesn't work out. It's funny, because when we first got together, we made time for that. We used to sit in Barnes and Noble and drink tea and pull out that "My Autobiography" book that is filled with tons of questions and just randomly pick ones to ask each other. Or we would go to House of Joe and just sit and talk. There is a park by the beach with swings and stuff and we would go there around 4:00 or so when the sun is just starting to go down and it's breezy and sit on the picnic tables and just talk and laugh about crazy things. Or we would drive arond that same neighborhood where all the big houses are by the river and talk. Just talk. My greatest memories of him are the time we just sat and talked about whatever came to us.

I think this is why I dread movie theatres now. As much as I love movies, I don't like going to the movies with him. We spend two hours of perfectly good "talk time" staring up at a screen. It just seems...I don't know. We just seem so distance, over the telephone it's the same song and dance, just trying to make the extra effort to squeeze each other in. We both realize this and I think it has us both sad. I gave him a big "Thank You" card last weekend, and he gave me the greatest hug ever and kissed me on the cheek. There are so many memories I have of him that I could go on and on and on. So many good things that outweigh the bad, all the little arguments we ever had that I know happened, I just can't remember how they began.

I remember when he went away with the church to Kid's Camp as a counselor and when he came back, the hug he gave me. I remember the night he told me he liked me, even after he had seen me cry and do the whole snot-bubble thing. (It was a prayer meeting, so it was a Holy Spirit thing.) I don't think that there is anyone else who is quite like him. I can't say that he is "my missing piece" or if I am supposed to be with him for good, I am too young for a decision like that, but he is just too good for me. He lifts me up when I am down, he's a blessing, he's prayed with me, he's taught me lessons that were hard and has helped me to be confident in who I am in Christ. God gave me a great blessing when he put Jason in my life. And at a time like this. It's ironic because before December of last year, I hadn't really been able to stand him. He went to Kansas City, and that intimate time with God changed him in and out and made him to be who he is now. Jesus, thank you.

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